Destroyer of Kitchens

I like to cook, a lot. The people around me would have me believe I do it quite well, my own tongue would agree with them. Little do they know of the deep dark chaos that surrounds this crafty art. Short of my husband and parents, few have witnessed the carnage that is left in the wake of a day of my cooking. Try as I might to keep counters and stoves clean, the simple act of me entering the kitchen seems to unlock a Pandora's box of food particles.

As if possessed by mighty kitchen demons, the food I touch spreads across the flattest, cleanest surfaces of the kitchen congealing almost instantly into rock hard food cement. No matter the precautions taken, the demons find their way to these surfaces and latch on as if it is the only thing to save them from a fiery hell. Alas, this mighty sacrifice of clean brings upon a meal of much deliciousness and happiness to all stomachs that take on its foody goodness. Once the meal is consumed and the kitchen emptied, the demons slip back into their domain, leaving their food handholds in tact. After the demonic food storm has passed, the kitchen may be reentered and a sponge and soap acquired. The gore shall be washed away... until next time.